Man, let me tell you about this broad named Time, as of lately she has been of the essence & sis has been trippin’ because she has not been as valued as she should. Amongst many things the Pandemic did, one thing it did for sure was boost her confidence, & sis has been making it loud & clear that she is precious & should not be taken for granted by any means. One minute sis will allow you to live your best life & the next she’ll snatch that right back & make you as visible as Casper. Admittedly, I forgot to treat Time as she deserves. I forget to be in the moment rather than focus on things that have yet to come to fruition. Sometimes (rarely) I forget to reach out to my tribe or specific people to simply check in, or I dismiss people altogether for how they made me feel, lack of reciprocating energy, or for how things went left when I desired for them to go right without making an effort to make it clear to them why.
I am learning more that there has to be a balance between Time & her second cousin Boundaries. What I mean by that is when it comes to relating to others & forming relationships of any kind, I first need to accept people for exactly who they present themselves to me as. Because one thing I have known to be true is people's true colors will always surface whether they are upfront with it at the beginning, middle, or end of a relationship, but they indeed will come to light. I have to be open to seeing it & accepting it, seeing it & creating boundaries, or seeing it & knowing that I rightfully need to burn this bridge & any ties altogether.
If you have yet to catch on, that's where the title of this post comes from, Build, Don't Burn. It's all about learning & having the understanding & awareness of WHEN to build boundaries & WHEN OR WHEN NOT to burn bridges with individuals, & what warrants said decision. One thing to be aware of regarding the people who come & go on your journey through life is that they each serve a special purpose for different stages in your life. Some individuals are there to teach you lessons & some are there to be blessings. Either way, those individuals & the experiences that you had or did not have helped shape and mold you into who you are today. There's a verbal or nonverbal thank you that goes out to those individuals and experiences because, in some way, shape, or form, you are who you are, & how/why you do the things that you do because of said individuals & experiences.
Now when I say build, don't burn, some of you are probably thinking I am loco en la Cabeza & encouraging you to keep toxic individuals in your lives, but that's not it. What I am saying is we all have the power to define our relationships. So if there is/are individual(s) in your life who have hurt you, deceived you, not followed through on an agreement or commitment, lied to you, stole from you, cheated on you, etc, this may be time for boundaries to be built or bridges to be burned depending on your perception.
Boundaries can look different to everyone, but here are some possible boundaries that can be set for individuals who have committed any of the offenses mentioned prior or then some.
Removing the individual(s) from your contact list & social media altogether.
Be mindful of how much or how little you share with the said individual(s).
Not spending time with the said individual(s) alone, only in group settings, or not at all, period.
Do not engage with the said individual(s) unnecessarily but only if/when you need to.
Being assertive with the said individual(s) about your wants & needs in a manner that is respectful to you both. --If the said individual(s) aren't receptive or understanding of your needs and wants then UNDERSTAND THAT THEY WERE NOT MEANT TO UNDERSTAND YOU & DO NOT RESPECT YOU OR THE RELATIONSHIP. IT'S TIME TO LEAVE THEM WHERE THEY ARE AT.
Creating distance between you & said individual(s) & however that looks for you whether that be related to the living situation, work situation (whether you work with them or have to see them, etc.)
Forgiving said individual(s) in silence & never speaking to them again.
Knowing the difference between being understanding & letting said individual(s) slide with toxic or disrespectful actions or behaviors.
Accepting people as they are & placing them where they belong in or out of your life respectfully.
Letting people go when they show you the signs that they do not want to be there in any way, shape, or form. Actions aligning or not aligning with words stated show how someone truly feels about you.
What else is a boundary that you believe needs to be set with the individual(s) in your life?
As far as burning goes, I am here to encourage you to burn bridges that rightfully need to be burned. Be aware & mindful of the individuals you have in your life. You know the saying, show me your friends & I'll tell you who you are, right along with that comes you taking the time to be mindful of your circle & evaluating the relationships & whether boundaries need to be put in place or the bridge needs to be burned respectfully. Lastly, be mindful of burning people out of your lives & the reason you are doing it (why), therefore you never know when you may need that person in some way again or when they will revisit you in your life, if at all. Mindfulness, awareness, & the essence of time spent are the keys to deciding whether to build or burn.
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