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  • Writer's pictureTai John

Is It Just Me?

Updated: May 17

Oh man, where do I even begin? There have been so many changes that have been occurring in my life lately, some positive & some negative. It's rare to post about the negatives in life but if anything the negatives are the things that teach & drive me to make necessary changes & take action. The negative that I want to focus on is some recent events in my dating life, which is officially nonexistent...but we'll get there. Also, I just want to say, I feel like my nonexistent dating life has been extremely comical up until this point in my life so I'm here to spill ALL the tea!

Recently I was talking, or so I thought to an individual that I knew from college during my undergraduate years. During that time in my life, we were both interested in one another or so I thought, & even went on a date some years after college which went well in my eyes & his as well. We reconnected via Instagram, ya know, he slid into my DMs during March, but before that, he was always on top of my stories & posts, & we would chat back & forth, nothing serious. March we went from DMs to texting to face timing to phone calls, literally texting & communicating every single day on some real cake-ish.

Homeboy even went so far as to invite me to come visit him in California & spend some time. My dumb, all-in ass took time off from work & booked a flight for Friday, March 13th to spend the weekend with this boy who presented as the perfect gentleman & filled my ear with all the sweet nothings I wanted to hear. He filled my head with the plans he made for us, & questioned me about my interests, likes, dislikes, etc! Doesn't even matter now because his true character came to light, which it never fails to. I just wish it would have shown itself before I wasted my time in every sense of the word.

On May 4th, I intentionally decided not to text him at all or initiate any conversation, to give him his space since I felt as if he was being different towards me. After not speaking to one another for the majority of the day, which is rare since we've been talking every day, all day up until April 29th. That's when I noticed the change in how he would address me & converse with me, it was no longer, "Hey beautiful" it became, "Hey, how's it going?". His responses got shorter, less wordy, with little to no emojis, & less emotional. He suddenly became “busier”, staying out late, not texting me back all night when he usually would, & going to wineries with "friends" for wine tastings (I knew he was on a date with a girl, let's be real). I knew something was up, but my blind, red-flag swimming self wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt & not let my thoughts or emotions lead to assumptions & predictions. But damn, when they tell you to listen to your gut & intuition, it is so damn true. I knew something was off & I should have gone with it, but I didn't do it quick enough to avoid the inevitable.

The inevitable cowardly text came in the evening & went exactly like this:

"Hey Tai, sorry I've been distant, but I needed some time to think things through. I know this is coming pretty sudden, but next weekend isn't going to happen. I recently met someone who lives out here and we've been talking as well. I'm not the type of person to try to hide things and play games when emotions are involved, so I think it's best we hold off on this visit. I hope you understand."

Now I bolded some things in his statement for my understanding. Maybe I'm crazy or overdramatizing the situation in your opinion, that's fine, but the entire statement is one big fat contradiction from my perspective. I say that for these reasons: if he has BEEN talking to someone else as well, yet claims he is not the type to hide things & play games, something is way off, that is the definition of playing with someone & wasting their time. If there is someone else, don't talk to me at all, I am no one's option or "sometimes", either you're all in or you're not, make the decision & make it clear. There was nothing for him to think about because by intentionally choosing to be distant with me as opposed to the individual he had been talking to, he already made his decision. The fact that this was via text as opposed to a phone or face time call as we have done many times before, which would have been the mature manner to go about breaking things off with someone, he chose to hide behind the screen & let me know a week before and not even a full week at that. It shows me who he truly is, someone who only cares about having his cake and eating it too, (I just hope he doesn't choke).

For those of you who personally know me and my dating & relationship woes, how do you think I responded to his text?

This rational, softer version of me sent a simple reply stating that I felt this coming & he should have told me before getting my hopes up & planning a trip with me and wished him all the best. Consideration is all I'm asking for, but, for some, that's too much. Next time, if there ever is one, my dumb self knows when they start talking about “taking trips” they’ll have to pay for my ticket & the trip so I know it’s real. Not wasting my hard-earned money for a waste of time again. Lesson learned.

This one is fresh, but I know I will soon look back on this & laugh at my dumb self for wasting my precious tears & losing my appetite over someone who was never worth it nor truly valued me as a person. I'm sure some of you wonder why I am being so transparent about a crappy experience that has caused me to lose hope in relationships yet again, but I share it because I feel like some things are for more than just my journal. It's nice to know you aren't alone & that people can relate based on similar experiences. After all my blog is called, Tea with Tai for a reason, I'm here to keep it real & spill my reality (like my tea pun? lol).

I share these things to show that despite how my life may look on the outside looking in, it's not always what it seems. I'm not here to only share the positives, that's not real. I want others who may be struggling with dating or other areas in their lives to know that they are not alone. I want you all to know that shit happens. Shit like this happens to me all the time. Yes, I am currently hurt as hell but, I also know that this is another change in my current season that is for my growth & overall betterment.

Sometimes the things we believe we want for ourselves aren't always what we need & that's okay. The negative experiences we have & not-so-great individuals we meet along our path in life are there to plant seeds of understanding, change, & growth, and make room for those that you'll need on the next phase of your journey.

My current reality as of right now when it comes to dating, I have been burnt the hell out and I have absolutely no interest, energy, effort, or time to continue putting myself out there to be filled up with sweet nothings just to be let down again. Enough repetition with bad dating experiences is enough to drive someone mentally ill, luckily I haven't reached that point but I have plenty of stories that could have gotten me there if I allowed it. I honestly cannot name the last time I was talking to someone or in a relationship that wasn't one-sided, toxic, & leaving me feeling like I am so hard to love, respect, & appreciate, & that my expectations are too high. I am taking this time to refocus my energy, efforts, & attention solely on myself and having as much fun as I possibly can with those who want to do the same. That is all. Period.

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